Today has been awesome
Go take a walk outside.
Enjoy the sunshine and the clean air
Its beauitful
-Kenni
February 10, 2014
Inner Battle of Sorts
SO...
I have pretty much decided to write this like no body is reading it. Ever.
It makes me much more truthful and myself- honestly... I think it is more fun too.
I recently had someone very important in my life peace out for the time being. And I miss him. A lot. Like every single second he is on my mind and I cry at night because I didn't get to talk to him. Kinda disgusting, I know.
I have never been one to be for the mushy feely moments. In fact, when I am upset and I need to cry it out to someone else, it usually is like a five minute affair. But I have been having THE hardest time with this situation.
I know that I need to wait. Wait for me to get over him. Wait for the time that I can be friends with him. Wait for the longing to disappear. But this whole waiting thing is more like torture.
The worst part is- I want to be happy. I want to be my care-free self that doesn't need anyone or anything to be happy. I want to be able to smile at a stranger and feel alright with myself. I want to wake up every morning just grateful that I am alive and I get to share the day with others.
Unfortunately, things haven't been that way. I find myself thinking that it would be better if I stayed in bed all day and that maybe I shouldn't do anything because obviously the world isn't right. Some days I even think how great it would be to die- just so I don't have to do this life struggle thing anymore.
Before you get your panties in a bunch-
I am being dramatic when I think all these things. Most the time I think of them in a comical, joking way. But I do still think them- and I didn't use to.
Its freakin confusing.
I am having this inner battle between wanting to be happy and being held back.
Talk about being caught up in something
Now I don't really have a happy ending to this story like I usually do.
I just needed to have it written down. Out of my head and in ink somewhere else.
But- For the record. I have decided that I will vigilantly press forward trying to be happy ALL the time, even if it takes me some good amount of time.
I have been trying- Forcing myself to go out and socialize... Doing my makeup and hair everyday... Making myself eat and whatnot. And part of me is happy. But part of me is still a drama baby. So I am hoping that in time, that happiness will grow and I can figure this all out.
If not- I will be complaining to you again ;)
Be prepared.
Well- Its late. And I am tired.
Goodnight Y'all.
Kenni
I have pretty much decided to write this like no body is reading it. Ever.
It makes me much more truthful and myself- honestly... I think it is more fun too.
I recently had someone very important in my life peace out for the time being. And I miss him. A lot. Like every single second he is on my mind and I cry at night because I didn't get to talk to him. Kinda disgusting, I know.
I have never been one to be for the mushy feely moments. In fact, when I am upset and I need to cry it out to someone else, it usually is like a five minute affair. But I have been having THE hardest time with this situation.
I know that I need to wait. Wait for me to get over him. Wait for the time that I can be friends with him. Wait for the longing to disappear. But this whole waiting thing is more like torture.
The worst part is- I want to be happy. I want to be my care-free self that doesn't need anyone or anything to be happy. I want to be able to smile at a stranger and feel alright with myself. I want to wake up every morning just grateful that I am alive and I get to share the day with others.
Unfortunately, things haven't been that way. I find myself thinking that it would be better if I stayed in bed all day and that maybe I shouldn't do anything because obviously the world isn't right. Some days I even think how great it would be to die- just so I don't have to do this life struggle thing anymore.
Before you get your panties in a bunch-
I am being dramatic when I think all these things. Most the time I think of them in a comical, joking way. But I do still think them- and I didn't use to.
Its freakin confusing.
I am having this inner battle between wanting to be happy and being held back.
Talk about being caught up in something
Now I don't really have a happy ending to this story like I usually do.
I just needed to have it written down. Out of my head and in ink somewhere else.
But- For the record. I have decided that I will vigilantly press forward trying to be happy ALL the time, even if it takes me some good amount of time.
I have been trying- Forcing myself to go out and socialize... Doing my makeup and hair everyday... Making myself eat and whatnot. And part of me is happy. But part of me is still a drama baby. So I am hoping that in time, that happiness will grow and I can figure this all out.
If not- I will be complaining to you again ;)
Be prepared.
Well- Its late. And I am tired.
Goodnight Y'all.
Kenni
February 7, 2014
Bad Days
I saw this today.
Gave me the strength to smile. This week has definitely been a bad one for me.
But I will not let that stop me. I am SO much stronger then the struggle.
- Kenni
Gave me the strength to smile. This week has definitely been a bad one for me.
But I will not let that stop me. I am SO much stronger then the struggle.
- Kenni
Update
I think I am going to start writing on here again. Mostly because I have nothing else to do.
Currently going to school at the most wonderful USU.
Its cold here. Like always freezing cold. But much like Elsa, the cold never bothered me anyway.
I am taking art history- which is not quite as boring as it seems- and a drawing class. I am always in the company of my moleskine companion. I doodle in him a lot.
The people here are friendly enough- but I seem to have a hard time moving past friendly to actually becoming a friend.
Eh.
Totally missing my best friend right now fyi. SO if I complain about it, slap me a little until I feel better about life again.
Well. That's all I have for updates now.
Peace out yo.
Kenni
Currently going to school at the most wonderful USU.
Its cold here. Like always freezing cold. But much like Elsa, the cold never bothered me anyway.
I am taking art history- which is not quite as boring as it seems- and a drawing class. I am always in the company of my moleskine companion. I doodle in him a lot.
The people here are friendly enough- but I seem to have a hard time moving past friendly to actually becoming a friend.
Eh.
Totally missing my best friend right now fyi. SO if I complain about it, slap me a little until I feel better about life again.
Well. That's all I have for updates now.
Peace out yo.
Kenni
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