Its offical.
I'm so over negativity. I'd like to think that most of us as human beings are pretty positive, but lately my circumstances have been less that ideal.
Ideas on being more positive?
Thanks in advance
Kendra
November 11, 2015
February 10, 2014
Sunshine!
Today has been awesome
Go take a walk outside.
Enjoy the sunshine and the clean air
Its beauitful
-Kenni
Go take a walk outside.
Enjoy the sunshine and the clean air
Its beauitful
-Kenni
Inner Battle of Sorts
SO...
I have pretty much decided to write this like no body is reading it. Ever.
It makes me much more truthful and myself- honestly... I think it is more fun too.
I recently had someone very important in my life peace out for the time being. And I miss him. A lot. Like every single second he is on my mind and I cry at night because I didn't get to talk to him. Kinda disgusting, I know.
I have never been one to be for the mushy feely moments. In fact, when I am upset and I need to cry it out to someone else, it usually is like a five minute affair. But I have been having THE hardest time with this situation.
I know that I need to wait. Wait for me to get over him. Wait for the time that I can be friends with him. Wait for the longing to disappear. But this whole waiting thing is more like torture.
The worst part is- I want to be happy. I want to be my care-free self that doesn't need anyone or anything to be happy. I want to be able to smile at a stranger and feel alright with myself. I want to wake up every morning just grateful that I am alive and I get to share the day with others.
Unfortunately, things haven't been that way. I find myself thinking that it would be better if I stayed in bed all day and that maybe I shouldn't do anything because obviously the world isn't right. Some days I even think how great it would be to die- just so I don't have to do this life struggle thing anymore.
Before you get your panties in a bunch-
I am being dramatic when I think all these things. Most the time I think of them in a comical, joking way. But I do still think them- and I didn't use to.
Its freakin confusing.
I am having this inner battle between wanting to be happy and being held back.
Talk about being caught up in something
Now I don't really have a happy ending to this story like I usually do.
I just needed to have it written down. Out of my head and in ink somewhere else.
But- For the record. I have decided that I will vigilantly press forward trying to be happy ALL the time, even if it takes me some good amount of time.
I have been trying- Forcing myself to go out and socialize... Doing my makeup and hair everyday... Making myself eat and whatnot. And part of me is happy. But part of me is still a drama baby. So I am hoping that in time, that happiness will grow and I can figure this all out.
If not- I will be complaining to you again ;)
Be prepared.
Well- Its late. And I am tired.
Goodnight Y'all.
Kenni
I have pretty much decided to write this like no body is reading it. Ever.
It makes me much more truthful and myself- honestly... I think it is more fun too.
I recently had someone very important in my life peace out for the time being. And I miss him. A lot. Like every single second he is on my mind and I cry at night because I didn't get to talk to him. Kinda disgusting, I know.
I have never been one to be for the mushy feely moments. In fact, when I am upset and I need to cry it out to someone else, it usually is like a five minute affair. But I have been having THE hardest time with this situation.
I know that I need to wait. Wait for me to get over him. Wait for the time that I can be friends with him. Wait for the longing to disappear. But this whole waiting thing is more like torture.
The worst part is- I want to be happy. I want to be my care-free self that doesn't need anyone or anything to be happy. I want to be able to smile at a stranger and feel alright with myself. I want to wake up every morning just grateful that I am alive and I get to share the day with others.
Unfortunately, things haven't been that way. I find myself thinking that it would be better if I stayed in bed all day and that maybe I shouldn't do anything because obviously the world isn't right. Some days I even think how great it would be to die- just so I don't have to do this life struggle thing anymore.
Before you get your panties in a bunch-
I am being dramatic when I think all these things. Most the time I think of them in a comical, joking way. But I do still think them- and I didn't use to.
Its freakin confusing.
I am having this inner battle between wanting to be happy and being held back.
Talk about being caught up in something
Now I don't really have a happy ending to this story like I usually do.
I just needed to have it written down. Out of my head and in ink somewhere else.
But- For the record. I have decided that I will vigilantly press forward trying to be happy ALL the time, even if it takes me some good amount of time.
I have been trying- Forcing myself to go out and socialize... Doing my makeup and hair everyday... Making myself eat and whatnot. And part of me is happy. But part of me is still a drama baby. So I am hoping that in time, that happiness will grow and I can figure this all out.
If not- I will be complaining to you again ;)
Be prepared.
Well- Its late. And I am tired.
Goodnight Y'all.
Kenni
February 7, 2014
Bad Days
I saw this today.
Gave me the strength to smile. This week has definitely been a bad one for me.
But I will not let that stop me. I am SO much stronger then the struggle.
- Kenni
Gave me the strength to smile. This week has definitely been a bad one for me.
But I will not let that stop me. I am SO much stronger then the struggle.
- Kenni
Update
I think I am going to start writing on here again. Mostly because I have nothing else to do.
Currently going to school at the most wonderful USU.
Its cold here. Like always freezing cold. But much like Elsa, the cold never bothered me anyway.
I am taking art history- which is not quite as boring as it seems- and a drawing class. I am always in the company of my moleskine companion. I doodle in him a lot.
The people here are friendly enough- but I seem to have a hard time moving past friendly to actually becoming a friend.
Eh.
Totally missing my best friend right now fyi. SO if I complain about it, slap me a little until I feel better about life again.
Well. That's all I have for updates now.
Peace out yo.
Kenni
Currently going to school at the most wonderful USU.
Its cold here. Like always freezing cold. But much like Elsa, the cold never bothered me anyway.
I am taking art history- which is not quite as boring as it seems- and a drawing class. I am always in the company of my moleskine companion. I doodle in him a lot.
The people here are friendly enough- but I seem to have a hard time moving past friendly to actually becoming a friend.
Eh.
Totally missing my best friend right now fyi. SO if I complain about it, slap me a little until I feel better about life again.
Well. That's all I have for updates now.
Peace out yo.
Kenni
July 2, 2013
Hope
Here is another printable.
This is for my friend Hope who recently embarked on a different journey.
Dodgeball
Do you recall ever playing dodgeball as a child at school?
We would gather together in a group, and two team captains would be chosen. Now the team captains didn't actually hold that much authority in the game. They couldn't change rules and they are not allowed to command others around as captains of armies do.
However, the team captains where in charge of the most sacred and nerve-wrecking aspect of the game; choosing the teams. The captains would take turns picking individuals for their team and one by one, every child would be assigned to a team. When you would be picked, the captain was virtually saying that he wanted you, even if it was only for your athletic ability. Being wanted by the captain was a great feeling.
The first ones that were picked by the captains where almost always the athletic boys, the ones that have proven themselves in the past. These boys would confidently walk to their new captain with a certain smugness, and who could have thought less of them for it; after all, they where the first ones chosen. Once all the athletic boys have been chosen, the captains would pick out the more athletic and cute girls and the rest of the boys. These lucky individuals had the privileged of still being wanted, and at this point in selecting teams, they knew that they still had some value and were an addition to their teammates.
The last group was usually full of misfits- kids with broken arms or glasses, those who had absolutely no athletic ability and those that no body wanted on their team anyway. Usually this last group only consisted of a handful of children, so by now, most had been picked and had their worth proven by the captain. Now was the "tricky" part; the captains had to pick their poison. All the remaining options where like poison. So the captains would still take turns, but rather then picking those who would add to the team, they would pick those that would take away the least. So the captains would reluctantly add members to their team until there was just one kid left.
The last kid that nobody wanted.
Not only was he or she most likely terrible at sports, but they were also extremely unpopular. They would end up on the team with less players, but unlike the others, they where not picked by the captains. No, they were assigned to, the dismay of, a captain.
The child that wasn't picked, but forced to play the game anyways.
Being last was discouraging, and it made you hate the game. Why would you want to participate in something that no one thinks you can do?
I can't even tell you how awful it feels to be unwanted by everyone.
We would gather together in a group, and two team captains would be chosen. Now the team captains didn't actually hold that much authority in the game. They couldn't change rules and they are not allowed to command others around as captains of armies do.
However, the team captains where in charge of the most sacred and nerve-wrecking aspect of the game; choosing the teams. The captains would take turns picking individuals for their team and one by one, every child would be assigned to a team. When you would be picked, the captain was virtually saying that he wanted you, even if it was only for your athletic ability. Being wanted by the captain was a great feeling.
The first ones that were picked by the captains where almost always the athletic boys, the ones that have proven themselves in the past. These boys would confidently walk to their new captain with a certain smugness, and who could have thought less of them for it; after all, they where the first ones chosen. Once all the athletic boys have been chosen, the captains would pick out the more athletic and cute girls and the rest of the boys. These lucky individuals had the privileged of still being wanted, and at this point in selecting teams, they knew that they still had some value and were an addition to their teammates.
The last group was usually full of misfits- kids with broken arms or glasses, those who had absolutely no athletic ability and those that no body wanted on their team anyway. Usually this last group only consisted of a handful of children, so by now, most had been picked and had their worth proven by the captain. Now was the "tricky" part; the captains had to pick their poison. All the remaining options where like poison. So the captains would still take turns, but rather then picking those who would add to the team, they would pick those that would take away the least. So the captains would reluctantly add members to their team until there was just one kid left.
The last kid that nobody wanted.
Not only was he or she most likely terrible at sports, but they were also extremely unpopular. They would end up on the team with less players, but unlike the others, they where not picked by the captains. No, they were assigned to, the dismay of, a captain.
The child that wasn't picked, but forced to play the game anyways.
Being last was discouraging, and it made you hate the game. Why would you want to participate in something that no one thinks you can do?
I can't even tell you how awful it feels to be unwanted by everyone.
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